Turkey Trot '09

A 5K is considered by people in the running community to be a 'fun run'. Those aren't two words that I typically consider having any business being in the same sentence. Running is not something that I do. Running is something that villains do while evading the police. Running is something that people do while chasing a ball or after leaving a flaming bag of poo on your doorstep.

Well, add this to the list of fundamental dogmas of my life that have been altered since meeting my wife and her family. I 'ran' the 5K Stuffing Strut today through downtown Detroit while Lisa and her brother Joe and sister Linda ran the 10K Turkey Trot. Since this semester began, I've been trying to get in shape and eat better, play ice hockey every Wednesday morning, and run a couple times/week. Don't let me give you the wrong impression though, I've hardly trained for this. I usually pass out after about a mile of running.

Being that there were over 12,000 people running in this race, it wasn't hard to keep pace at the beginning - the masses of people were pouring down the city street like molasses. As the race progressed and there started to be separation between the participants, I was feeling good about my pace. I passed a man in spandex pushing a jogging stroller, a man with a nutrient belt with enough food and liquids on it to last for a week, a man dressed as Batman as well as the Flash, a butterfly, many elves, some Santas, and a few reindeer. At about a mile into it, I had reached my limit. My feel felt as though they were encased in cement and my ankles were non-responsive. I started to walk. I was passed by nutrient man, Batman, some elves, a reindeer or two, and a butterfly. Then I was passed by some chubby 14-year-old girl that I swear was actually eating while awkwardly jogging past me. I started jogging again. At least Batman is a superhero.

The mantra of the Special Olympics is that it's not important where you finish, but simply that you compete. Well, I ran, I competed, and I finished. Mission accomplished. Actually, I'm pretty happy with my time considering the (lack of) preparation I've done. A twelve-minute mile equates 5MPH average. I'm pleased.

I Saved 10 Lives On My Way to Work Today

This article in the Washington Post "White House: 650,000 jobs saved, created by stimulus" almost made me audibly laugh as I read the title. It really is brilliant to use a great-sounding-but-immeasurable statistic as the golden standard for progress.

I think this point it well described in this Wall Street Journal article back in June, "The Media Fall for Phony 'Jobs' Claims."

My Son the Existentialist

He has now twice come up to me and asked "Is today tomorrow?"

I still don't have a very good answer for him :)

"Strawweight Bout"

This is what happens after the Yankees clinch their division and ESPN has nothing meaningful to talk about anymore...



I love the full breakdown by the official boxing analyst who sounds like he spends most of his time in some dark warehouse-turned-boxing-gym in north Jersey.

FactCheck

I was referred to this site a while ago and have thoroughly enjoyed it ever since. Factcheck.org is a project of The Annenberg Public Policy Center of the University of Pennsylvania, which performs research in the fields of political communication, information and society, media and the developing child, health communication and adolescent risk.

***WARNING: The facts are typically much less extreme and invigorating that what is reported by people like Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly and may depress you upon your realization of the quantity and blatancy of false truths being dealt by prominent members of both parties simply for the benefit of the party or themselves, not for the American people.

Just Gets Better

!College Football Season!

The greatest play in the history of the BYU-Utah rivalry:


A different announcer:


Just watch it over and over until you're ready for the season. I've watched these two videos probably a combined 10 times over the past 15 minutes and I still can't keep myself from smiling every time. EVERY TIME!

Michael Vick Rally

Needless to say, I have many issues with any group whose own existence seems to be hypocritical of their stated purpose. Nevertheless, it seems as though the NAACP and I have finally found some common ground and a point on which we both agree.

Said the President of the Philadelphia Chapter of the NAACP in response to why he is organizing a massive rally in support of Michael Vick outside of Lincoln Financial Field, "We believe Michael Vick has served his time, paid his debt to society and deserves a second chance and the animal rights groups want to hold him hostage for the rest of his life...We think that's patently unfair. It denies Michael Vick's basic civil rights, denies him his ability to make a living."

If you feel the insatiable need to crucify someone, go after all the rapists, wife beaters, and murders currently playing unscathed within the world of sports. You won't have to search hard. Leave the guy who has actually served his time alone and let him try to make amends.

How To Tell...

This is an actual screenshot from my computer at the office. What I wanted to know was how to empirically tell the difference between a 3-level and a 4-level laser. I paused after typing in 'how to tell the difference between' to see what Google's suggestions were. It makes me wonder what the algorithm is for these recommendations. Could these possibly be the most searched queries starting with "how to tell the difference between..."?

I'll admit I clicked on the first suggestion out of curiosity.

I'm never sharing anyone's comb or hat ever again.

You're From South Jersey If...

I put an asterisk (*) before each item with which I actually identify

*1- You DEFINATELY don't pump your own gas...

*2- You know you don't go down the beach, you go to the shore

*3 - You know what the Jersey Devil is and you possibly were told stories about it at your 4th grade Camping Trip

4 - You go out for corn and tomatoes on the summer and make dinner out of it

*5 - You know all "back roads" to get anywhere and prefer them to the express way

*6 - You know your exact exit off the NJ Turnpike and that's how you let people know where you live

*7 - You know how to drive...very well...

8 - You hate out of state drivers... especially on the expressway...

*9 - You've actually found the Echelon Mall

*10 - You've had or known someone whose had lymes disease

*11 - You know what a wawa is and you know the locations of at least 10 of them

*12 - You order italian hoagies and meatball subs... not any other way... esp not heros!!!

*13 - You know what a pizza pie is ....

14 - You have been to Top Dawg Tuesdays

15 - You live in close vicinity to at least one PJ Whelihans

*16 - You have an EZ Pass but you just hold it up

17 - You know what a "shoe-bie" is and can pick one out at the beach easily.

18 - You go to farmers markets of flea markets for cheap stuff

*19 - Your car is covered in Pollen in April and May

*20 - You had been to Vetrans Stadium and were very upset when they emploded it because it destroyed childhood memories of great hot dogs and amazing philly fans

*21 - You root for Philadelphia teams even though you live in Jersey

*22 - You know how to successfully execute a traffic circle and would NEVER call is a "round about"

*23 - You know where Route 70, 72, 206 are located and where they take you

*24 - You have hung out at a gravel pit

25 - You have picked your own apples, blueberries, and know the where the closest cranberry bog is located

26 - You know what Cedar Water is...

27 - You know where to get the best bagels and go to the bagel shops hung over at 12 PM after a night of heavy drinking

*28 - Your middle school hang out was the mall

29 - You say water, bagel, watch, and class weird...

*30 - You had a sand box when you were little

*31 - You have rented or own(ed) a house in Long Beach Island, Sea Isle, Ocean City, Wildwood, or Margate

*32 - When you go away people know you are from New Jersey from your outgoing demeanor and your bad language when you are annoyed

*33 - You remember when Rowan was Glassboro and TCNJ was Trenton State

*34 - There are at least 5 24 hour diners within 5 miles of your house

*35 - You know exactly how to get to Geno's Jim's or Pat's Steaks In philly and often end up there after long nights of drinking at Philly Bars

*36 - It snows more than an inch, you call is a Blizzard

*37 - One time you were driving in the woods and god stuck in the sand

38 - Your neighborhood demonstrates co-existence of African Americans and racist Rednecks

*39 - Your dad or someone you know goes to the "gunning club" for at least two weeks out of the year..."bowhunting and riffle season"

*40 - You KNOW not to get lost in Camden but often have after long days at concerts in the city

41 - You smoke Parliament or Marlboro Lights

*42 - You can go bowling at 1:30 AM and bring your own beer

*43 - You know who Smokey the Bear is

*44 - You know it is Dr. Pepper and NOT Mr. Pibbs

*45 - It is called soda and never called pop

*46 - You think North jersey is a different state and you think that south jersey deserves it's own succession

47 - You High school prom was at the Camden Aquarium or the Mansion in Vorhees

*48 - You know what "jimmies" are and refuse to call them anything else

*49 - You have had a near close experience or actual experience of hitting a deer with your car

*50 - When people ask you where you're from you say South Jersey and never New Jersey and its weird cause that's how every conversation starts out...

AND..... OBVIOUSLY....
*51 - You don't take any crap from anybody and know that New Jersey is not DIRTY!

Land Of The Free

This post is long overdue.

Throughout the festivities associated with celebrating our nation's independence, we always hear and sing many of the same patriotic songs. Interestingly, both Lisa and I were unusually struck, on different occasions, by the same verse of a popular hymn. In the second verse of 'America the Beautiful', we sing:

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

I recently read the stories of Samson and Ruth (Judges 13-21, Ruth 1-4) in the Old Testament. The tales are striking.

Samson could, and should, have been one of the greatest leaders of Israel since Joshua. He had God-ordained power and gifts, and most importantly had the confidence in God to be able to use those gifts. Unfortunately, he could not master himself and became one of the greatest examples of failure through self-justification and uncontrolled passion.

Ruth, however, lived a quiet life of dedication and made decisions of highest morality when the stakes were the highest. Consequently, she was blessed to have both David and the Lord Jesus Christ in her lineage.

One can't help but ponder the wisdom of the words "confirm thy soul in self-control". It is my belief that we live in a day where the line between wants and needs is becoming increasingly blurred. Furthermore, and more troubling, is the erosion of the defining differences between inalienable rights, wants, needs, and unbridled passions. We are becoming a people who feel an entitlement to whatever it happens to be that we want at a particular time. Some people call this mindset progressive. I agree that we're progressing. To where we're progressing is up for debate.

Some quotes:

Plato: "The first and best victory is to conquer self; to be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile."

da Vinci: "You will never have a greater or lesser dominion than that over yourself...He who cannot establish dominion over himself will have no dominion over others."

President Kimball: "Whoever said that sin was not fun? Whoever claimed that Lucifer was not handsome, persuasive, easy, friendly? Sin is attractive and desirable. Transgression wears elegant gowns and sparkling apparel. It is highly perfumed; it has attractive features, a soft voice. It is found in educated circles and sophisticated groups. It provides sweet and comfortable luxuries. Sin is easy and has a big company of pleasant companions. It promises immunity from restrictions, temporary freedoms. It can momentarily satisfy hunger, thirst, desire, urges, passions, wants without immediately paying the price. But, it begins tiny and grows to monumental proportions—drop by drop, inch by inch."

Fruits of Our Labors

I found a strawberry that the slugs didn't eat. Our first crop of the season!
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That's My Corn!

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Happy Pre-Birthday JJ!

Yup, its a cake in the shape of a cupcake. From uncle Joe and aunt Lauren in KC.
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Indoor Football League

I love the east. I think I've been to more different kinds of professional sports games in the past year here in Rochester than are in the entire state of Utah! Go Rochester Raiders!
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I'll Scratch Your Head If You Scratch My Back

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So Many Choices

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There's a Gospel analogy within this cuteness - it doesn't matter how many good choices or opportunities are before you if the only direction you're going is backwards :)

Fantastic Craigslist Post

I'm in the market for a bike and I came across this on Craigslist. Hilarious.

Reply to: see below
Date: 2009-06-09, 7:59PM EDT



PLEASE NOTE: This probably doesn't apply to you. But some of you that are selling need to have a good look.

1. Just because your bike was made in Europe or Japan doesn't mean you've automatically got a winner. They made a lot of junk, too.
2. A low end bike that was $97.00 in 1976 is not magically worth $400 now with a flip flop rear wheel on it.
3. Adult bikes do not have goosenecks.
4. If the chain is conspicuously rusty and kinked in the picture, nobody is going to fall for your claims of "mint condition".
5. If you get asked how many speeds it has and do not know nor care, time to take down your ad. Immediately.
6. Telling us that you found it in a barn is not a rationale for overpricing it.
7. Take OFF the $10 price tag from Goodwill before you take your Craigslist picture and ask $250 for it.
8. "Light and FAST!" . . . Ok, if you say so. It's the engine, not the bike.
9. Not everything with those curvy handlebars is a race bike.
10. Neither is a race bike "improved" by flipping those curvy handlebars upside down.
11. Don't be offended if someone offers you an insulting amount that is far less than you want for your bike - they're just smarter than you.
12. Don't get ticked off if someone low-balls you when you state "make offer" in your ad. You asked for it.
13. Tires are tires and wheels are wheels. These terms are not interchangeable.
14. Breaks should be referred to as "brakes", petles or petals as "pedals".
15. Your bike was not made by Shimano, Suntour, or Campagnolo. I know you saw that name somewhere on it, but just trust me on this one.
16. Vintage implies it was worth something when it was new, otherwise it's just OLD.
17. High tensile steel - yeah, they put a sticker on the bike that says it but I wouldn't be bragging about it.
18. Go ahead and repost that 10 speed Huffy every week - no one will tire of its charm. If you're willing to endure the humiliation, we'll be there for you until you reach your target market.
19. ALL CAPS DOES NOT MAKE IT A BETTER BIKE.
20. Pictures of the LEFT side of the bike aren't worth much of anything, nobody can see the drivetrain. All things considered, perhaps you'd rather want to hide it anyway.
21. Blurry pictures add a negative symbol to your price tag.
22. If you steal someone else's photos (not the manufacturer's) from the web and use them to represent your own bike, you are absolute scum.
23. "Suitable for fixie conversion" doesn't make a POS frame any more valuable.
24. If you think your bicycle is worth a four figure sum ($x,xxx), the LEAST you could do is to spell the brand and component names correctly. (eg. Trek, not treck; Schwinn, not shwin; Campagnolo, not Campagnola; and Shimano - not shmano, shimono, or shamano)
25. Include the size of the bicycle! Measured from the center of the cranks (the big sprocket) to the top of the seat tube (before the silver or black post that holds the seat [saddle].) It needs to be in either inches or centimeters... both if you are nice.
26. NEXT, Magna, Huffy, Roadmaster, and Murray are NOT highly-respected brands....no matter how high end the Walmart is. Get over it.
27. Taking a nice multispeed road bike that was posted here two days ago for a reasonable price, raping it of all good derailleur parts, and making it a single speed with a $22 Chinese bmx cog from performancebike.com does not double or triple its value or make it a "race bike" or "fixie".
28. There is no such thing as a road mountain bike.
29. Just because you are selling it for a friend doesn't make you an expert. It just shows you know how to navigate CL
30. If you don't list the brand and it is unreadable in the photos, we will assume it is a POS.
31. Research the going price of your bike before posting. You'll get a lot more bites if you're reasonable.
32. Just because it cost a lot 10 years ago when it was brand new and you have barely rode it, doesn't mean it is worth 50% + of new price. (see above.)
33. Just because you bought it within the past year doesn't mean someone is going to pay close to what you paid, especially if the new model years are coming out and yours is now discounted.
34. Don't use terms you do not understand - if it does not have rear suspension, it is not full suspension.
35. Spel lcheck is your friend, use it.
36. Proofread - I have never seen a bike measured in feet but I've seen a lot of 26' bikes posted.
37. If it is an X-mart bike, and you just paid to have it "tuned up", you probably just wasted your money as the tune up was probably more than the bike is worth.
38. No one wants to call for pictures or basic information that should've been posted in the original ad.
39. Don't sell a used helmet unless you really did just buy it, otherwise it may have been crashed and is a safety hazard.
40. Chrome Schwinn Paramounts are not "rare." Desired by collectors, perhaps; but there's at least one on eBay every week, if not two.

Regards,
Chase

IMG00095.jpg

Sliding

When Ruth plays with this toy, she always slowly slides backward as she plays. This is the point where she usually starts panting and squeaking trying to get our attention for help.

Oh Vista

I just downloaded a program (called OSLO) required to do some modeling for a work-related project. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself as I read the system requirements:

You can use OSLO on a PC with an Intel Pentium Processor (or better) running Microsoft Windows 2000, XP or Vista. For good performance, you should have 128MB of RAM for Windows 2000/XP, 1 GB of RAM for Windows Vista.

And thus we see why everything runs more slowly on Vista and why the general public loathes that platform.

Fame, Wealth, and Beauty

Interesting study about how extrinsic pursuits (fame, wealth, beauty) do not lead to happiness and emotional stability. Often times, even when achieved, these goals yield negative physical and emotional effects. Intrinsic pursuits (enduring relationships, helping others) seem to have significantly more impact on personal satisfaction.

Meetings And Repentance

Note: This is solely my opinion and not Lisa's

Lisa attended a meeting last night presented by the stake primary presidency, intended for all members who are called to work in the primary. Prior to this meeting, I had joked with Lisa that the meeting would be huge since it seems like half of the ward is involved with primary. Of course I asked her afterwards how it went and she reported that it was an overall good experience. She also casually mentioned something to the effect that all of the members from our ward in attendance could probably be counted on a hand.

It's frustrating to me the casual nature with which some people view their callings. There are so many people who sacrifice so much of their time to make the ward function as well as it does. Some people have to attend early-morning Sunday meetings every week. Some people have to attend early-morning Thursday meetings. Some people meet every Tuesday evening. Some people meet every Wednesday evening, and there are some who meet weekly at other times.

To those of you in the primary program not in attendance last night: you have one meeting...just one non-Sunday meeting...that you're asked a month in advance to attend and given weekly reminders about, and you can't find a way to make it? Really? I am by no means perfect in my service, but do you realize how ridiculous it seems that you can't make one meeting on an otherwise meaningless Thursday evening to improve the quality of the program for our children?

We're Throwing Things!

Is what James said to me with a big smile on his face as I emerged from doing dishes in the kitchen. I was watching a friend's kids as well as mine while Lisa was at a meeting. Just ten minutes before this they were playing so neatly...

Green Bus

We've been hearing a lot on the news recently about some University of Rochester engineering team that made a bus that runs off of fast-food cooking oil waste. I assume this is it.

Why I Love Philly Fans

If you're wondering why Philadelphia is considered a difficult venue in which to be a visiting team:

Birthday 2009

Lisa really outdid herself this year for my birthday. The sad thing is that I really appreciate it because she is so good at thinking of things to do for me for my birthday while I am so bad at doing things for her...and she REALLY looks forward to her birthday! Here's a rundown of what my wonderful Lisa did for me to make me feel special:

1) Meals
Lisa knows that I love food. It's apparent by my morphing body shape that I'm loving it too much recently. Multiple days during the week before my birthday, Lisa brought me goodies for lunch - my favorite hamburger from the Cheesecake Factory (I know, sounds wierd, but try it!) and a Munchie Mania from Friendly's. She also made sure to have pizza for dinner atleast once.

2) Greetings
Just about every time Lisa saw me during the week of my birthday, she would greet me 'Happy birthday week!" As corny as that sounds, that actually made me feel good.

3) Presents


Trash bags - For years we used Costco trash bags with draw string 'cinch sack' type closures. Those were so easy to just pull out of the trash can and tie up to throw in the dumpster. They were also reasonably thick and durable. We ran out and decided to just get the cheapest trash bag replacements from WalMart. I've loathed that decision ever since...they're tough to close, tear easily, and don't stay on the trash can. I know, it's such a tough life I live...but hey, it gets annoying after a while! Lisa got me better trash bags.

Grill Wire Brush - Self explanatory.

Ankle Socks - When I was in high school, I had ankle socks with the elastic around the arch and loved them. Lisa knew that so Lisa sprung for some new ankle socks for me with the elastic arch support. Awesome.

Can Opener - It's debatable whether these gifts were for me or for Lisa's sanity. I don't feel like I complain about many things, and these gifts comprise the majority of things I do gripe about. I hate using our can opener because it has one function, to open cans, and it doesn't do it well. Hooray functionality.

Pizza Pan - I've been trying to perfect the giant cookie recipe recently (like what my family bought from the Great American Cookie Company all growing up). Now I have a perfectly shaped pan (Lisa made sure it was the right dimensions)!

Thanks Harry

He will always be the voice of baseball in my mind.

We're on the Same Team, Right?

I find myself growing increasingly tired of political discussions as of late.

I like President Obama. Sure, I didn't vote for him and don't agree with all of his platforms, but I think he's a fine man and is more than fit to lead. I especially am impressed that he appears to be trying. Regardless of all the criticisms circling about how his policies are ruining the future of our posterity, at least he is acting swiftly and definitively. He has a plan and is committed and is confident.

Meanwhile, the 'Obama opposition' finds themselves embodied by the governor of Louisiana, who just so happens to be a less personal, less eloquent, less appealing, and overall lower caliber version of Obama ('Hey look at me, I'm multi-racial too!') who for some reason can't keep his hands still while talking.

I am a frequent reader of the Wall Street Journal (which I realize leans Right, but is still a far cry from the Fox News genre...). I feel as though I've read enough about the state of the economy and enough commentary to be accurate in stating that nobody really knows how to 'fix' the economy. Everyone, on both sides, has their hunches and theories. Everyone has many valid reasons to be confident in their beliefs.

There is a story that's often told in a different context about a family which is looking to move into a new town. Before making the move, the family asks two different people in that town about their fellow citizens. One states 'The people here are great - some of the most kind people I've ever met!' The other sighs 'Honestly the people here are pretty depressing. No one cares about anyone else.'

Obviously the moral of the story is that often times situations will be as wonderful or as horrible as you want them to be. Naturally this is a blanket statement that doesn't apply to everything in life, but I'm confident you get my point.

We're on the same team. The president (with the democratic congress) has made it apparent that if he wants to pass something or otherwise get something done, then he is going to do it. I say good. No matter what is done, some people are going to be happy and some are going to be outraged. He's trying to think it out. He's trying to take and synthesize advice. He's making his decisions.

I'm a strong believer that complaining has never gotten anybody anywhere. The left-wing's incessant references to the past eight years being rivaled only by the holocaust and the crucifixion of Christ needs to end. The right wing's cryings about how they've been misrepresented by the Bush administration and how they're not being taken seriously has got to stop. The constant feed of pessimism surrounding the multi-trillion-dollar budget does no good. By doing so we are only making our own self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. Let's give him a chance. Let's give his policies a chance. It is not beyond any of us to put forth the effort to make it work.

After all, we Americans can do anything. Yes we can.

My Cinderella

I'm sure I'm probably the last person on Earth who hasn't heard this song before, but I just heard it on the radio last night for the first time. I don't know if it's played on mainstream radio; the only music radio I listen to anymore is the local Christian station.

I thought this was very touching.



She spins and she sways to whatever song plays,
Without a care in the world.
And I'm sittin' here wearin' the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It's been a long day and there's still work to do,
She's pulling at me saying "Dad I need you!
There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited and I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says "Dad, the prom is just one week away,
And I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone
She will be gone.

Well, she came home today
With a ring on her hand
Just glowin' and tellin' us all they had planned
She says "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
but I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
(even one song)
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

Makes me miss Ruth already.

When I Grow Up...

I want to be like this guy.

US Airways Flight 1549

What's amazing to me is how calm everyone involved was. It sounds more like a training exercise than a genuine life-threatening ordeal.

Overheard In My Car

As part of my basketball coaching/boy scouting duties tonight, I had to do a significant amount of driving around Rochester with various boys.

Conversation with an 11-year-old (11yo):

11yo: Do you know what a halibut is?
me: Yea it's a fish.
11yo: No no, do you know what a halibut is?
me: Yea, it is a fish.
11yo: No, a halibut. Do you know what a halibut is?
me: What is it?
11yo: It's an ancient weapon made out of an ax and a sword.
11yo: It was named after a fish.
me: Oh. OK.

Conversation with a 16-year-old(16yo):
Driving through some of the not-so-nice areas of Rochester

16yo: Yo that a prostitute.
me: You think?
16yo: Oh yea. That a prostitute right thare.
me: She looks just like a girl walking down the street.
16yo: Na man. You see how she stop and look right thare? She a prostitute.
me: Just looks like a girl walking down the street to me.
16yo: Na man. Prostitute.
me: I think that's just a girl. How can you tell?
Looking right at me
16yo: Yo man. I just know.
me: Oh. OK.

Here's to hoping our kids go straight from 12 to 18 years old.

I Heart Onion News Network

I've recently re-discovered how amazingly ridiculously hilarious the Onion News Network is. I don't think I ever really appreciated how spot-on their 'newscasts' are until I started following/watching the news more carefully.

For my mom (which is abnormal since the site favors making fun of republicans):

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Just for kicks:

In The Know: Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized?

And they just get better and better...