Those of you who have seen and love the movie "Office Space" will relate to this experience I had over the past couple weeks.
In my lab class (which is ridiculously work and time intensive, but nonetheless a good experience) we routinely have to take mass amounts of data and present it all in a written report. One report of our choosing, however, can be done orally.
For one part of this particular lab, I was running out of time but knew that the data I was taking should graph to be in the form of a sine wave. Since the measurement was time consuming, I measured the two extrema of the wave (since those were the important values) and then just a few in between. I then had to repeat the measurement to show repeatability. When I finished taking this data set and had already moved onto the next part of the lab, the TA came in and commented on my data that I should probably take more data points to make the graph look like a sine wave. I then explained to him that I was running out of time and that I took the necessary points and that the sine shape could be visually extrapolated from the points I did take. He then commented that he saw my point, but that I should go back and take more data if I can. I then said that I would if I have time.
This is a graph of the data. Yes, it is obviously not a perfect sinusoid but you get the picture...it goes down and up. If you curve the lines to connect the points, you get a sine wave...not too difficult to visualize. Anyway, I used this image as part of my presentation. When showing it, I specifically explained to the committee of three teachers (one of which was the aforementioned TA) that I realize that it's not a prefect sinusoid, but that I didn't have time to take more data so I made sure to get the relevant points and to do it twice for repeatability. I then instructed them to visualize a sinusoidal fit to the points and the sine wave would be pretty clear.
After my presentation they had an opportunity to ask questions of me. One of the first was "That graph should look like a sine wave but it doesn't. How do you explain that?" I then again explained the lack of time and how the important points...yadda yadda. He then told me that I probably should have taken more data points to which I responded that I would have had I more time, but the class is timed and that I can only get so much done in that short amount of time (It's important to keep in mind that everyone else in the class is working in groups of two, but my partner left at the beginning of the year so I'm working by myself and thus have to do twice as much work as everyone else in the same amount of time).
I then waited outside the room while they decided on a grade for my presentation. The head instructor came out and told me I got an 80%, which he said was a pretty good grade since no one really did that great of a job. I asked what I could have done better and the main thing he said was "You should get more data next time. Your graphs would look more like they should if you get more data. Also you should take more than one data set to show repeatability."
"Did you get the memo about the TPS reports?" -- Bill Lumburgh in Office Space
Making the decision where to go for the rest of my education has been quite the roller coaster. Many people have already asked why we're staying at Rochester when it seemed so certain only a few days ago that we would be attending the University of Arizona. Actually, a week or so ago Rochester had been wholly eliminated from contention! Well here goes the story:
As most everyone knows, I was accepted to 3 graduate programs which are detailed in this earlier post. I found out my admission to the two optics-related programs (Rochester and Arizona) on February 12, and about Duke February 21. At this point the decision of where to go was essentially trivial. Although I knew about some great research on ovarian cancer that was being done at Arizona, I had been working (very minimally) for Ed Brown in order to get my foot into the door of research of interest to me. I knew that he liked me and I knew that his research was directly in line with what I wanted to do. However, towards the end of February/beginning of March I had a short and frank conversation with him that changed everything and started us on a whirlwind tour of uncertainty.
I started working with him with the understanding that if he liked me and if I liked the research and if I got admitted to the PhD program and he had room in his group then I'd be in a good position to work for him for my PhD thesis. Although there are a lot of "ifs" in that statement, the majority of time everything works out pretty smoothly. For me it did not. Ed Brown is a sincerely nice guy and would be great with which to work. He is still pretty young, however, and I think is still figuring out his personal limitations as a professor. He told me that although he likes me and wants to take me into his group, has the funding, and has plenty of projects that need to be worked on, he simply does not have the time necessary to advise another grad student. He doesn't feel that he has enough time to adequately advise all of his current students as it is.
I knew of two professors doing the kind of research that I wanted to be doing at Rochester - Ed Brown and Tom Foster. Before I focused on Ed Brown's work, I had previously put some effort into showing Tom my interest in his group. Unfortunately, by the time Ed informed me that he didn't have time for me, all the positions for new grad students in Tom's group had been filled.
So in the course of that day we went from being about 90% certain of staying at Rochester to about 70% sure we were going to Arizona to pursue the ovarian cancer imaging. Over the next few weeks I intensified my communications with professors at Arizona and was getting positive feedback from them. Meanwhile, no more opportunities were presenting themselves at Rochester and Duke was still just a MS program which wasn't going to afford me the research experience that I really desire. I'd say we were about 90% - 95% absolutely sure we were going to Arizona by the end of March, especially after the University of Arizona Optical Sciences open house. I confirmed my good contacts there and subsequently secured myself at least a summer position in my first choice lab.
Meanwhile I learned from a professor here (Rochester) that there was a Optics alum currently in Duke's biomedical engineering (BME) program and that I should contact her for any questions. She enlightened me that there are some MS students in the program there at Duke that are able to secure research positions and therefore have their MS degrees paid for and then have their foot in the door for the PhD program. Intriguing.
I eventually got in contact with Adam Wax in the BME department at Duke. He informed me of his affinity towards Rochester Optics graduates and offered me a paid research position in his lab (not a research assistantship, but an hourly wage). Keep in mind that had I been offered admission to the Duke PhD program in Medical Physics, there is a very good chance I would have taken it. Also keep in mind that Duke has the number 2 BME program in the country. Also keep in mind that Adam Wax is doing exactly the kind of research that interests me.
All of a sudden Duke was becoming very appealing again. But again, there were many "ifs" in the Duke scenario and I had already gone through that process once not-so-successfully. I also perceived that there is a higher risk of not getting admitted to the PhD program from the MS program there as there was for me here. Maybe if I didn't have a family or other extrinsic responsibilities I would have been more likely to go all in and take this option. Then again if I didn't have a family (especially Lisa) there is no way I'd be as good of a student as I currently am and wouldn't be in this position to begin with. This option posed too much risk and ultimately became the first to truly be eliminated.
As more people found out at Rochester that I was most likely leaving for Arizona, administration started getting involved. I eventually was asked to speak with the director (essentially the dean) of the Institute of Optics and explain my research interests to him. I walked away with a list of names of people to contact, once of which was the dean of the BME department here, who gave me another list of names to contact.
The majority of people, as expected, said they didn't have anything directly in line with what I wanted to do. There were a couple, however, which responded very quickly and with high interest. Karl Kasischke spent an hour or so giving me a tour of his research and lab and convincing me of all the great tools and funding he has. Unfortunately his research is very specifically tuned to oxygen diffusion in the blood of the brain. To me that's interesting in a "I want to read about it in Scientific American" sort of way and not a "I want to devote 5 years of my life to this" sort of way.
Maiken Nedergaard was much more impressive. I spent over two hours touring her lab, looking at her current research, meeting the people in her group, and discussing her objectives and why she wants an Optics person. Without getting into all the gory details, I was floored. I had only gone to meet her because I felt that I should at least humor peoples' requests for me to see their labs. I've never seen a lab more well funded, a track record more productive, or a willingness to do seemingly anything before. I have since learned that she is practically a god in the neuroscience field (and is actually having her own building built next to the hospital to better facilitate research), but at the time she was just another lab to visit.
Her work is somewhat like Karl's, but much more far reaching. Her focus is the brain, but has researched strokes, epilepsy, diseases, defects, tumors, you name it. She also does spinal research. Although all this is really amazing, I am getting a PhD in Optics, not biology. What really resonated with me was the level of freedom and autonomy she offered me. I would essentially be THE optics person in the lab. This is no small lab- she has ~30 people working for her, only about 5 of which are grad students. The rest of them are paid staff and collaborators. I would be working to improve her imaging capabilities and meet her needs using virtually any imaging modality we deem to be best. Maybe it would be in improving her current imaging systems. Maybe it would be in using a different emerging system all together. Many ideas have been floated out.
Although the lack of structure gives great freedom, it also poses logistical problems with meeting the requirements for a PhD. I got an application acceptance deadline extension from both Arizona and Rochester and called together a meeting this past Tuesday with Maiken, two Optics faculty (Andrew Berger and Jim Zavislan), and me. Maiken proposed her ideas and gave her vision of what she wanted done and Berger and Zavislan served as the referees for reality. It was a surprisingly frank and productive meeting. I believe we all came away from the meeting feeling as though there is a genuine opportunity for an optics student to really learn and to really accomplish a lot.
Stalemate.
There is a move in billiards called a push. In the game of 9-ball, after the break if the person whose turn it is does not have a play on the lowest ball, he may call a push and just hit the cue ball anywhere on the table (not the pocket of course) and then the decision is passed to his opponent on whether he wants to play the ball or not. Given the seemingly equally excellent choices between Barton's group and Nedergaard's group I really wanted to just play a push and have someone else make the decision for me. I tried to get Lisa to do it multiple times, but she wouldn't.
Should I go to the person's lab with the bigger medical optics name (Barton) but with less freedom and funding and autonomy or the person's lab with freedom, funding, autonomy and a huge medical name, but a relative unknown in the optics community? Should I go where I can graduate in probably 3.5-4 years or the place that'll probably take 4-5? Do we really want to move? It would be really nice to live by Mike and Linda (Lisa's sister)...I really enjoyed hanging out with them when we were both in Utah and have missed that ever since (actually, I think I was pushing for this to be an issue in our decision more than Lisa was!).
Tuesday night was a long night. Lisa and I talked at length. I well outlasted everyone at the Temple. I sat in my car staring at the Sacred Grove. I sat in my car staring at the Hill Cumorah. It was a great night in that respect...I haven't gone on a spiritual binge like that in quite some time. It was good to simply be alone with my thoughts for a while.
I came to the conclusion both options would work out great and it ultimately came down to how ambitious I want to be. Arizona would be the more clear cut and in some respects secure and easier route. By easier I do not mean anything about the academic experience. I mean easier in that my path would be clearly outlined and I would do my part and that would be that. Rochester would be the more ambitious route where I would have to really figure out everything for myself. I want to be that ambitious person. I want to be that person who has a record of accomplishment and is known as a self-starter. And that is why I want to be at Rochester.
So my undergraduate work on a possible non-zero photon rest mass continues to make headlines. Funny story...I actually took this picture. We (Dallin my advisor, fellow student Chris, and I) were at a conference up in Calgary and had a few hours to kill so we decided to enjoy the majesty that is Banff. We (I) were too cheap to pay the fee for a gondola ride to the top of a mountain, so we decided to just hike it instead. Maybe it was the altitude, but we thought it would be hilarious to start taking pictures periodically along the hike with our arms around nobody. The plan was to photoshop William Shatner into all the pictures so that we could say that we hiked this mountain in Banff with him. If you're interested, you can see a few more of the pictures from one of the most beautiful areas of the world here. You can see from the pictures we actually hiked pretty near to the top of the mountain.
Well it looks like Willy has taken a back seat to a fat photon!
To this day I don't think anyone on either side of my family knows exactly: 1) What degree I'm currently getting 2) What degrees I applied for last year 3) What degrees I applied for this year 4) What I'm actually endeavoring to do in life as an occupation It's probably about time I clear this up because it is pretty confusing!
1) I am currently earning a MS in Optics. Just optics, not optical sciences, not medical physics, not physics, not medical optics, not biomedical optics, not biomedical physics, and certainly not optometry.
2) For this current school year I had applied for a myriad of programs before deciding to go to the University of Rochester (UofR). I had applied for the Optics PhD at UofR, Biomedical Engineering PhD at UofR, Optical Sciences (their equivalent of Rochester's Optics...they do everything the same but for some reason feel like they have to be slightly different) PhD at the University of Arizona (UofA), Medical Physics MS at UofA, Medical Physics PhD at Duke, Biomedical Engineering (LEAP Program) MS at Boston University, Optics PhD at the University of Central Florida (UCF).
I was only offered admission into the UCF Optics PhD program (without stipend) and the UofR Optics MS program (half tuition). Let's just say I wasn't the best student in the world in my undergrad years, so I was happy to at least get some offers. Notice that I applied for the PhD program at UofR but was only offered admission into the MS program. That's not uncommon...it's sort of like a training ground and weed-out period for candidates an institution thinks might pan out to something good, but doesn't want to take any chances on. People they admit into the PhD program they have to pay for. People admitted into the MS program pay for themselves.
Here are some side notes: UofR, UofA, and UCF are the only 3 institutions in the country that offer Optics-specific degrees (UofR and UofA are considered two of the best in the world, maybe even the best depending who you talk to). Duke's medical physics program is closely tied to their biomedical engineering (BME) program, which is ranked #2 in the country. I had personal invitations from the administrations of both BU and UofA to apply to their medical physics and biomedical engineering programs (respectively), so that's why I applied to them. And then they both personally denied me (UofA actually emailed me and then sent me a written rejection as well...double whammy!). And I felt retarded.
Another side clarification - the fields of optics and medical physics are in many important ways totally different, but both are involved in somewhat of the same research. There are really two types of imaging modalities out there - optical (like a microscope or microscopy or coherence tomography or any method actually using light to form an image) and those considered in the realm of physics (like MRI and CT scans). The theories behind these modalities are totally different without much overlap, but obviously can be used to gain information about similar subjects (like the human body).
3) For this next school year I only applied to 3 programs: PhD in Optics at UofR, PhD in Optical Sciences at UofA, PhD in Medical Physics at Duke. I was offered admission to all three with the exception of Duke, who only offered me admission to their MS program, not the PhD program, similar to what happened last year with me and UofR.
4) Call me crazy, but I have this strange intrinsic desire to be involved with cancer research as a career. Why? I don't know. Why do doctors choose one specialty over another? It's the part of the field that interests me I suppose. I'm realistic and realize that my exact wishes might not be fulfilled because of job openings and economic realities, but what I'm wanting to do right now in graduate school research is diagnostic imaging of cancers. I would like to develop and improve the imaging modalities themselves and try to make diagnosis more effective and less invasive. I would also be interested in optical and medical-physics related cancer treatments and therapies, but you kind-of have to choose between the two (diagnostic imaging or therapy) to begin with.
So there we have it, my academic history and desires of the recent past and future. Hope this clears some things up!
